It’s a matter of fact these days that many people themselves single and with a family. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to find love and companionship, although it’s likely going to be more complex than in those carefree days before children.
Getting back into “the dating game”
It can certainly be pretty daunting taking that first step back into “the dating game.” Maybe you haven’t dated for many years or perhaps you’ve been so wrapped up in your children and circumstances that you feel you’ve lost yourself a little.
Make an effort to take some “me time”, gals have a pampering day, guys take some some out to relax and have time to think. Visualise how life would be with a great partner and if you feel ready (or even almost ready), it’s time to put your doubts aside and go for it.
Honesty is the best policy
Our dating agency always advise clients to be upfront about the fact that they have children. Yes, it may put some people off but you come as a package now and waiting for the right time to introduce the fact that you are a mum or dad isn’t fair on your potential partner.
If they find the truth about your circumstances off-putting at the beginning, this is very unlikely to change and you’ll both end up feeling resentful of the time invested in a relationship that was never going to go anywhere.
Timing is everything
When to introduce a potential partner to your children is a tricky one and where you will have to rely on your own good judgement, as there is no right or wrong answer. Our best advice is to wait long enough, but not too long.
On one hand, long enough that you think the relationship has potential for longevity, as introducing a string of short-term partners is unsettling for children who tend to form emotional bonds and struggle to understand if that person is suddenly no longer around.
However, waiting too long is also not being honest and finding out that mum/dad haven’t been truthful (even if with their best interests at heart) about where they have been/who they’ve been with can cause friction, particularly if they are old enough to understand.
Plus, you’ll want to make sure there’s a good “fit” between everyone involved and that your new partner sees you as a parent and playing that role, in addition to being a partner.
Dealing with Emotions
So things have been going well with your new partner and you’ve decided the time is right to introduce this great guy or gal that has come into your life. You are full of hope for the future and have high hopes that they will grow to love your darling children as you do. But wait, your children have transformed into monsters, what’s going on?
Probably a mixture of emotions. Younger children who aren’t used to sharing their mummy or daddy could be feeling insecure about their position as the number one in your life, or even a little jealous.
Older children may feel that their absent parent is being replaced and therefore feel resentful. All of these emotion are only natural and good communication and plenty of reassurance is the key.
You may feel that you are walking a bit of a tightrope at this stage in balancing the needs of your new partner, the needs of your children and of course, what is best for you as both an adult with adult needs and a parent. But stick with it, you all have so much potential future happiness to gain and a better future starts with taking a first step into the unknown.
If you are ready to meet someone special, contact the friendly award winning matchmakers at Drawing Down the Moon Matchmaking.