It’s always tempting when dating to dream up an elaborate list of all the qualities that Mr or Mrs Perfect will possess. After all, you deserve nothing less, right? But what if you’re wrong? What if the list that you have so carefully constructed is actually stopping you from meeting someone who isn’t perfect, but is perfect for you.
It’s all too easy to stick religiously to the strict job description you have in mind for your future partner and to gauge someone’s suitability based on arbitrary values like their height, weight or, indeed, their taste in shoes. How on earth could a happy and fulfilling relationship blossom with someone who thinks it’s ok to wear socks with sandals, for example. How could you become intimate with someone who nervously talks about themselves too much or agrees to split the bill on the first date? It is almost as though, in waiting for that elusive spark to appear, we are actively discounting potentially compatible people because we believe that we know the combination of attributes required in a person in order for the lightening to strike.
But have you stopped to really consider the person you are so readily sending to the relationship sin bin? The person who, if you could just bring yourself to look past the really quite unfortunate footwear (you can deal with that later – that’s what Selfridges is for!) you might just find has a charming sense of humour and values that really rather complement your own. After all, do the most successful relationships not grow out of friendships? An exercise we occasionally set for our clients is to ask some of your friends who are currently in happy relationships how they met – it’s highly likely that an awful lot of them will tell you they were friends first and didn’t even think of their significant other as a potential partner in the beginning.
What if your hallowed list is the very thing that is standing between you and meeting someone special? The rigid checklist that, unless every box is ticked, has already decided for you that this date is not going to turn out well. We find that the people who have the most successful dates are the ones who approach the meeting with the mindset that unless someone is an absolute “no”, they will meet them again. And perhaps again, and perhaps, somewhere along the line, they realise that feelings have begun to develop.
So, what would happen if you walked into your next date, tossed your list over your shoulder and sat down at that table with an open mind and an open heart?
If you are ready to meet someone special, contact the friendly award winning matchmakers at Drawing Down the Moon Matchmaking.