With so many lovely people in the world why are so many of us attracted to the ones who make us unhappy?
Why do we pick the wrong people? What makes imperfect partners so exciting? There is a subconscious part of us that draws us to particular people who trigger a familiar feeling. We think it’s chemistry, when often it’s the aura of danger or challenge that makes them so attractive. Whether it’s the thrill of the chase, the rescue, the frisson of taming the tiger of just ‘mission impossible’ – it’s sexy!
Nice guys and girls bore you, you crave attention from the one who acts disinterested. However, the more you become self-aware of the choices you’re making, the less likely you are to repeat the pattern of poor choices. If you don’t change your mate selection mechanism, you will subconsciously choose the same heartache every time. You will ignore the obvious red flags, believing, that “this relationship” will be different … but nothing changes.
Changing your choices
Your subconscious mind is always giving you clues on how to change. It keeps bringing you heartache so that you can finally make an adjustment. Our job as matchmakers is to get you to relax, to have fun and to broaden your horizons, but we can also help you to look for common themes in your past relationships and figure out where the patterns have their roots.
Spotting the Losers
1. They’re the Most Fanciable in the Room
Looks aren’t everything! Try to control your physical responses to someone until you’ve had the chance to get to know them better. Wait before you have sex or make any declarations of commitment. You need time to know where you really stand before getting too involved.
2. They resemble a past love
You may still be hankering after the happy ending a previous relationship didn’t achieve – give it up.
3. Your friends say – ‘There you go again….’
They know you well and love you, if they can spot it – resist and move on.
4. You’re always apologising for his behaviour
You know he’s not right for you! You can’t change his behaviour only he can do that.
5. You think you can rescue him or her
Hot danger signals. You’ve been here before. Stop! Think and read the statement above.
6. You continually feel insecure
A certain amount of wobbly knees is inevitable, but if it’s deep-down fear of hurt and loss in the early stages of the relationship then consider whether you are carbon-copying the past or if there is really something about them you don’t trust.
7. You feel you’re on a pedestal
They’ve projected a fantasy onto you. The real you may not be who they want.
8. They’ve never had a long-term relationship
Could be a commitmentphobe, scared of emotional closeness. Or perhaps they just haven’t met the right one……? Just be aware of the danger.
9. They’re verbally or physically abusive
You don’t need us to tell you what you already know. Get out of there and stay away!
10. They’re in love with someone else
Mission impossible. This relationship (and we’re using that word in its loosest sense) is going nowhere. Are you actively seeking rejection?
I truly believe that when it doesn’t work out with someone in the present, it is because it is meant to work out with someone else in the future. But you can’t leave it all up to fate. There’s work to be done on your part too. Each relationship that comes in to your life is the universe’s way of delivering a lesson for you to learn.
If you don’t learn that lesson and evolve, you will only face the same issues with each relationship moving forward. If you want to avoid a lifetime of dating imperfect partners, you have to be conscious of past bad decisions and take action to stop destructive habits and patterns.
Don’t let your happiness depend solely on one other person, enjoy your friends and family, strive to excel in your career and other areas of your life. Be your own person, love yourself and the ‘perfect partner’ will come into your life.
If you are ready to meet someone special, contact the friendly award winning matchmakers at Drawing Down the Moon Matchmaking.