Any of us can have something that holds us back from taking action, and to minimize its power over us we need to confront it. What, in your present situation, is blocking change – the change from being in a single state to in a relationship?
Circumstances can be relationship blockers, do you consider the particular reason for not being in a relationship is situational and not to do with you personally? – for example, if you believe that the reason is the shortage of available men in your age group.
If you believe the block is to do with your personality and your degree of readiness for a relationship – for example, do you always choose unavailable singles? Reasons, such as ‘I’m always away on business’, may be both circumstantial and psychological. For instance, you may have chosen a particular situation, such as a career involving lots of travel (which makes partnerships difficult), as a passive resistance against settling into a relationship.
Other examples Psychological blockers can be thoughts like ‘I keep making bad decisions about relationships – they’re usually too short-sighted’ or ‘My ideas about relationships aren’t keeping up with these fast-moving times’. Or maybe you’re only choosing men because they are sexually attractive with no regard to their suitability as a long-term partner.
Is the way you look sabotaging your best chances? Do you need a presentation makeover because you have let yourself go physically? Would a good diet, a regular gym routine and a shopping spree give you extra confidence and oomph?
Habits you may have can be relationship blockers, for instance, if you drink too much on dates or if you are a smoker (a big date deterrent, by the way).
If the blocker is something you’d like to change. For example, you may need to work on yourself because you believe, ‘I frighten men off’. Or perhaps it is a question of meeting only the wrong sort of men? The two problems may be distinct in concept but overlap a lot in practice. Are you the sort of person who never gets past the first or second date? Is this because you are rejecting the men at this point, or are they rejecting you – or perhaps both? In reality you are more likely to emerge with a cluster of related causes than one clear reason that can be tackled on its own.