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How to Get Over a Break Up

Having to get over a break up is never easy, regardless of which side you’re on. Someone always gets hurt in the process. It’s often messy, with name-calling and endless tears. There is no real way to avoid facing a break up, so it’s better to learn how to get over a break-up. There are some people who rush into new romances in order to cope with the loneliness. Some people choose to indulge in vices or to isolate themselves. The more common coping mechanism is to become over-involved in work or consumed by a hobby. The one thing all these coping mechanisms have in common is they are all a matter of avoidance.

Truthfully, there is a recovery period after every single break up. If this period is skipped, you could end up jeopardising future relationships.

There are 3 steps to get over a break up: Grieving, healing, and evaluation.

Grieving

The first stage of recovery is the grieving process. During this time, you may be overcome by emotions. You may feel the loss of your partner. You may feel a general sense of emptiness. Accept these feelings as they are completely normal. You don’t want to close yourself off or deny yourself the ability to feel. Feel your emotions, even when they seem overbearing. If you try to diminish them or dismiss them altogether, you’re only going to create more problems in the future. In order to truly heal from a break-up, you’re going to have to accept that the relationship is over.

One of the methods that bring people comfort is journaling. Whether you have journaled in the past or not, you may want to try it. Journalling can provide relief from overwhelming emotions. It doesn’t matter if you’re following a thinking pattern or not. Your journal doesn’t have to be cohesive. Your goal is to write down everything you’re feeling, get it out of your head. After you’re done writing, you leave it on the page. Many find this actually helps to make the feelings lighter. Now writing can be overwhelming to some people. If you find it’s not for you, you might want to try gratitude journaling. It is similar, but you only focus on the things you are grateful for in your life. This can help to keep your mind on the positives, instead of getting hung up on the loss.

If you are really struggling, it may be important to reach out to a close friend or a family member. You may want someone present through this difficult time. If you’re not comfortable talking to someone close to you, it may be a good idea to consider a therapist.

Throughout the grieving process, it is often tempting to make contact with your ex. You may think of contacting them directly or getting in touch with a mutual friend. You may even consider contacting a friend or family member of your ex. This won’t be helpful and it may make the grieving process last even longer. Do everything you can to avoid contact with your ex.

Healing

You have to understand that you may never get “closure” from your ex. That is okay. Not every relationship ends well and most of them end without reason. Once you have accepted this, you’re ready to start healing.

The healing process is focused on self-care. You take “me” time and reconnect with yourself. You want to start by creating a sleep schedule to keep your mind focused. Make sure you eat healthily and drink plenty of fluids. It is a good idea to start getting active too. You can do simple activities, such as walking. You can do more intensive activities, such as joining a gym. The choice is yours, but the idea is to stay active. You may want to take up a new hobby or get involved in an old hobby. You may want to take a class or learn a new skill somewhere. You may want to travel and see the places you’ve always wanted to see. This is a time to celebrate the freedom you have to be yourself. Keeping yourself busy is also a good way to avoid constantly thinking about your ex-relationship. You need to take this time to live your best life. You don’t want to overbook yourself either because you may feel worn down. Find a balance between chaos and nothing.

Now that you’re balanced, you can start getting social. You may have met new people through your self-care activities already. If not, you can always start making introductions. You may want to call up an old friend or join a co-worker at a party. Start putting yourself in social situations. Do not attend any social situation that your ex may be attending. In fact, you need a new circle of friends to limit your chances of running into your ex.

It could be a good idea to get involved in your community. You can join a club or do volunteer work. This may boost your self-confidence and put you back in a stable position. You’ll also have the chance to do rewarding work and maybe even meet new people. Your community is always a good place to start meeting people. You’ll have the support you need to get over a break up.

Since you’re feeling better, you may be tempted to use social media again. Avoid this temptation. Even if you believe you won’t look up your ex, there is a chance you will still come across them. If you do, this may be dangerous to your mental health. You may end up in the grieving process all over again. You’ve worked hard to start healing, don’t be so willing to undo your progress.

Evaluation to Get Over a Break Up

Once the healing process is underway, you can start the evaluation process. This is where you look at your ex-relationship under a metaphorical microscope. You want to analyze the good and the bad. You want to look at the mistakes that were made, likely by both of you. You want to avoid overgeneralizing the relationship. It wasn’t bad or good. There was no villain and no victim. Think about the relationship, and every past relationship, as a learning experience. You take what you can and apply those lessons to your future relationships.

The reason you need to evaluate the relationship is because you’re deciding what you want in the future. Obviously, you’re going to want more of the good and less of the bad. Through the evaluation process, you’ll begin to paint a picture of your ideal future. This can help you to find someone who fits the picture better than your ex would. Of course, you don’t want your standards to be an ideal person because no one will ever live up to that ideal. Ideally, you want to be open to adjusting your standards to meet the right person. That isn’t to say you can’t have deal-breakers. There are going to be things you just can’t tolerate and that is fine. Everyone has deal-breakers. You just want to make sure you’re not being unrealistic when you’re setting your standards.

Now You’re Ready

Now you’re ready to take on the world and get over a break up quickly and easily . You’ve gone through the grieving process. You’ve healed from the relationship. You’ve analysed the pros and cons. You’re in a better place. You should be confident in yourself and the choices you are going to make.

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Written by : James Preece
- Posted in: Dating, Drawing Down the Moon
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