There’s a fundamental biological difference between men and women – we all know this, of course, but what we sometimes don’t appreciate is that it extends to the brain. Men and women use different parts of their brains to do exactly the same things and they aren’t always compatible – a bit like the difference between a PC and a Mac!
We must recognise this in order to understand that men and women have quite different views on how the dating thing works. Here’s a handy definition of courtship that sheds some light on the issue:
‘A man chasing a woman until she catches him’
So, women are the ones who actually initiate the pick-ups, while men think they are doing it themselves – ingenious!
The simple fact is that we are also much pickier than we used to be, and have to meet many more people in the course of our dating lives in order to find the right one. The following are some tips to ease the men amongst us through this terrifying process…
1. Mary’s Domino Dating Strategy: to kick start your hunt, go for volume to get into ‘dating mode’ and create a dating ripple effect. The more practice you have the easier it gets to be relaxed and flirtatious – but don’t be a serial dater!
2. Make things happen. If you were looking for a job or a house, you’d go to experts to help you find it, whereas in affairs of the heart, we tend to sit back and wait for things to happen. Don’t. Go to singles events, use small ads and internet dating eg. LoveandFriends.com, but avoid the usual clichés when describing yourself. Personal dating agencies are best if you’re more demanding and have little time
3. Setting up a first date. Don’t sound too needy – make it at least a week ahead, make specific suggestions and avoid weekends, also films / concerts, since you can’t expect to get to know anyone in silence!
4. Keep the first date short – it will make you both look forward to the second one.
5. One of the biggest saboteurs of first dates is your answering machine. Breathe and smile before leaving your outgoing message – it makes you sound much warmer.
6. The first phone call. Keep it short – long conversations beforehand use up that vital small-talk you’ll need to ice break when you meet.
7. Get into ‘flirt’ mode by recalling a time when you felt fantastic and imagine the feeling as a colour flowing through your veins. We are all born great flirts (babies are brilliant at it!) and when you feel flirtatious, it’s infectious. Observe the body language of good flirts and emulate them – fake it till you feel it!
8. Remedy for nerves – own up to them.
9. Watch her body language rather than just her body – it tells you how you’re doing. A seductive man is aware of his own body too, so relax and make good eye contact and smile – a real smile floods your face. Don’t overdo it though – it looks needy.
10. ‘Mirror’ her body language and the tone and pacing of her voice. It’s a huge compliment and creates a good rapport.
11. Use her name. It’s flattering. But don’t overdo it…
12. Give compliments, but not overtly sexy ones.
13. Don’t talk too much about yourself. Women are good listeners, but that doesn’t mean you should abuse it (men often do), and certainly don’t talk about your exes or other dates.
14. Ask her questions about what she thinks and feels as well as facts (but don’t interrogate – it’s not an interview) and show that you have listened by bringing things up again.
15. Manners. They matter! Open doors, adjust chairs, etc. It will show you are considerate and respectful.
16. Presentation. Freshly laundered men are attractive! Grooming is not a new fad, it’s absolutely necessary. No-one wants to see dirty fingernails or greasy hair. Yuk.
17. Should you go Dutch? Judge the moment and do what feels right without putting her under pressure.
18. DO NOT sleep with her on the first few dates if you are looking for a relationship. And don’t do it casually. Anyway, not being too available is actually quite intriguing…
19. The end of the date. You should try to second-date at least half the time. Chemistry can take a while to develop, and you should encourage her to be part of this decision. If, however, you really don’t ever want to see her again, be nice and be honest and make it clear you’re seeing lots of people. Don’t rush off in embarrassment or promise to phone when you know you won’t!
20. Don’t spend your time with friends who are cynical about dating and relationships – it rubs off.
21. Tell your friends you are looking for a relationship. You never know – they know all sorts of fascinating people other than you. They could be able to help and that special woman might be closer than you think!
And Please call us for expert help on finding that special someone: 020 7224 1001
If you are ready to meet someone special, contact the friendly award winning matchmakers at Drawing Down the Moon Matchmaking.