Every breakup should be followed by a period of reflection. You don’t want to rush into something new without having given yourself the chance to properly heal, or you risk taking baggage into your new relationship.
Even if you were the one who ended your last relationship, taking time to reflect on what you’ve learned is still important. If you dive back into the dating scene without a clear idea of who or what you’re looking for, you might not be sure when you’ve found it.
Evaluate your past relationships
If you’re looking for something serious, you need to properly understand yourself before committing. One way to do that is assessing your past relationships: how have they changed you? What was good about them—and not so good? How did they alter your views on what makes a healthy relationship?
Check your standards, too. It’s important to have standards, naturally, but they can sometimes morph into unrealistic expectations if you don’t keep an eye on them. And always know your boundaries and dealbreakers. Never start a relationship with someone you think you’ll be able to ‘fix’ or ‘tolerate’. You deserve to be happy—as do they, of course. You need someone who will add to your life, not someone you’ll be treating as a project.
Work on yourself
Dating shouldn’t be the sole focus of your existence. You need to be proactive in other areas of your life, too: career, socialising, family, health, personal development. People are attracted to people who are leading active, thriving lives.
Being single means you have more time to spend doing what you want to do, and more time to work on yourself. Revisit old hobbies, or take up new ones. Learn new skills, visit places you’ve always wanted to immerse yourself in. Take advantage of your newfound freedom. And if you’re feeling lonely, reconnect with those who matter most to you.
Meet new people
You’re not going to meet new people if you’re frequenting the same cafe all the time. When you’re looking to meet someone new, doing things a little differently is key. That doesn’t mean you have to make drastic changes to your routine, but it does mean stepping outside your comfort zone and switching things up every once in a while.
Change can be unnerving even for the most confident among us, so don’t overwhelm yourself, or you won’t have fun and be in the right mindset to get chatting to an attractive stranger.
Then comes the issue of where to actually go. Well, first things first: go where there are lots of people! You’re unlikely to meet someone in a quiet, solitary place. That being said, somewhere too crowded can have the opposite effect—there’s a balance to be had. Light foot traffic is the ideal.
Incorporate your hobbies, too—these are a fantastic gateway to meeting lots of likeminded people, with whom you’ll already have at least one solid interest in common! Of course, don’t take up a hobby or class you’re not actually interested in. You won’t connect with your surroundings, and that will be reflected in your demeanour.
Make sure to pay attention to your signals and body language. If you’re glued to your phone or book you can come across as unsociable. Be present. Make eye contact. Strike up conversations at random. Introduce yourself—get known. Establish a presence.
Talking to strangers can be nerve-wracking—so if it helps, think of every occasion as a business event. You’re here to network and connect with people. If they aren’t interested, hey, no harm done—on to the next! Confidence is a muscle, and you have to work on it to enable it to grow.
Be graceful when facing rejection
Now you’re back in the dating pool, there’s a good chance you’ll face some disappointments now and again. These might come in the form of terrible dates or—worse—being rejected after thinking the two of you had a great time.
Rejection is tough to deal with no matter who you are, and it can be difficult to maintain a positive outlook after such a setback. You might be tempted to give up on dating for the time being, but try not to take it personally. Different people have fundamentally different wants and needs, and some of them are invisible until you know them well. Where you saw compatibility, perhaps they saw future conflict for reasons you’re not aware of, perhaps because of something in their past or some deep-seated issue which has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Try to keep believing in your eligibility and attractiveness. You’ve dated before, and you’ll date again. Remember, the trials and tribulations inherent in finding someone truly amazing are precisely what make the journey. If it were easy, our relationships wouldn’t mean as much to us as they do.
Try a matchmaker
If your schedule doesn’t allow for much socialising right now because your career is explosively busy or you’ve got a lot going on in your personal life—well, first consider whether this is indeed the right time for you to be looking to date. But if you’re sure you’re ready to get out meeting people and you’re looking for something serious, we can help.
Drawing Down the Moon is a multi-award-winning dating agency. Our world-class matchmakers are renowned for successfully pairing intelligent, empathetic, and compatible people looking to settle down. We’re experts at bringing together highly eligible singles, so get in touch today and let’s find you the one person who will make every one of your past relationships pale by comparison.
If you are ready to meet someone special, contact the friendly award winning matchmakers at Drawing Down the Moon Matchmaking.
