The French writer, Proust, in Swann’s Way talks of the protagonist feeling his deepest love for a woman who was not “his type”. And an ex-colleague met her husband of 30 years on a train and instantly decided he was not “her type”. I met my lovely husband 35 years ago, when we became neighbours, and also instantly decided he wasn’t my type. Oh, just asked him what he thought and been told he felt the same – crumbs, never thought to ask before!
New applicants to Drawing Down the Moon often say they need our help because although they’ve met lots of singles recently, none are quite “their type” romantically. They claim they can always spot “their type” right away, often in the first few seconds. And yet, they’re still single, moving from first date to first date, always seeking that special frisson that might suggest “this is the one”.
Our experience at Drawing Down the Moon indicates that you’ll most likely spot your future soul mate, not on a first date, but on a second or third date with a match with a similar level of attractiveness, status, social background, outlook, lifestyle and education. This is why we suggest a “pre-date” of just one hour over a drink with a single objective: could this person be a “maybe”?
A date that hits the “my type” button immediately is most likely “lust at first sight”, not indicative of potential long-term love. Research from a survey I organised of 200 couples who’d been in very long term relationships confirms this. The spark is most likely to be ignited, not on a first encounter, but a bit later when you’re relaxed and doing something that’s fun together.
Still doubtful? Do your homework: ask all the happy couples you know what their opinion of each other was at their first encounter. Be prepared for surprises!
NB Talking of Proust, just read this review of Robert Douglas-Fairhurst’s new translation: Proust: The Search published by Yale University Press (£16.99). Click here to buy it from the Guardian bookshop.
If you are ready to meet someone special, contact the friendly award winning matchmakers at Drawing Down the Moon Matchmaking.