With the frequency at which we are going on dates, it’s incredibly easy to become complacent about the whole thing. It is almost a nationally accepted idea that dating is just “a numbers game” and if we get through enough meetings there is a statistical likelihood that we will, as if by magic, meet The One.
This approach is savagely sabotaging our dating success. Check out these 5 signs you are a lazy dater and get ready to turn things around!
You expect there to be a spark on your first date
This is the biggest mistake of all. Is there anything more lazy than expecting to meet someone for the first time and experience an earth shattering lightning bolt that says “Yes! This is the one. Don’t worry, the foundations for your long, happy, healthy relationship are all right here. You don’t need to put in a single ounce of effort to make things work”.
If you think there’s any chance at all that you could be friends with your date, then it is vital that you go on a second meeting. Real relationships come from putting in the hours and taking the time to get to know someone. By discounting every date based on only one meeting you are, through sheer laziness, removing all possibility of developing a romantic connection.
You are not maximising your dating opportunities
You know how they say looking for a new job is a full time job in itself? Well, the same is true of dating. Sure, some people get incredibly lucky and through some fortuitous twist of fate meet their life partner by spilling an Americano over them at Starbucks (this actually happened to a friend of mine). However, I can say with near certainty that this is not going to happen to you, certainly not without first accrued hefty dry cleaning bills and the risk of third degree burns.
Dating opportunities are everywhere, you just need to start taking them. The obvious first step is to join a number of dating websites (I would particularly recommend Love and Friends and Bumble as a starting point) as a simple and easy way to start going on dates. Join a new club (meetup or City Socialising) or sign up for a new class. Every single new person you meet is a dating opportunity.
You’d rather stay in to watch that box-set (aka not actually leaving the house)
Of course it’s always tempting after a long day at the office to go home, settle down on the sofa with a lovely hot chocolate and binge watch your favourite shows in your well-worn PJ’s. However, I can guarantee that your date is not waiting for you at the bottom of your mug, ready to appear like a prize when you have finished your drink.
Your date is waiting out there in the Big Wide World. Couch dwellers! It is time to get up off your sofa and get out there.
You expect to be impressed rather than impress
When meeting someone new, we all want to be impressed. We expect our dates to ‘perform’ for us; make us laugh, wow us with their intelligence, challenge us, make us think. But if you’ve been impressed by your dates recently and are surprised you haven’t received a follow up call, perhaps you are guilty of expecting to be impressed but not making the effort to wow them yourself.
Your date is looking to find out whether you are a good match for each other, not just whether you feel they are a good match for you. You have an equal responsibility to make an effort and portray yourself in the most positive light.
You leave it until the very last minute to plan
Preconceptions. The mortal enemy of the modern singleton, yet you do nothing to avoid your date forming negative ones about you by treating your meeting like it’s not important to you. There is nothing more valuable than time, and if you’re not prepared to dedicate any of yours to planning your date (where you’re going to meet, what time, what you’re going to wear) then the likelihood is that the outcome of your meeting will be just as flat as your approach to it.
It is so important to treat each date as a new opportunity. It shows that the date matters.